some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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