A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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