i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
