Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
