ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
