Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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