omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
