Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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