My first STD was from a foam party
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
This house was built for laser tag.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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