Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
