Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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