Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
