question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
