I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize