i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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