My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
