he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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