I like my sex mixed with concussions.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
