just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
