My sheets look like a crime scene.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
