I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
