She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
