I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
