Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize