As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
is it fun? or sober?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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