My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
