Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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