Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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