With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize