i can't believe i had my finger in that
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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