and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
