Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
