I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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