I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
