K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
