i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
