I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
