My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
