So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
