All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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