Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
