I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
babies were throwing up all over the place
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
