Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
