When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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