So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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