and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
