I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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