I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
