i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
BRING THE BAGELS
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
