Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
