Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Randomize
