Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
