24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
