Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
