no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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