I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
