They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
