Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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