fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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