watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
