I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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