whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
