My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
