I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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