i just had sex bonerless
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
