yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
