Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
