I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
