Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
