the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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