How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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